Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
