why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
