She's JV to your varsity
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
