There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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