Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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