oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
