dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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