hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
