I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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