my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize