im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
this will be a night to untag.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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