We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
