I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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