I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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