so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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