Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
