Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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