Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
