im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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