yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
