u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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