and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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