all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
