You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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