he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
