I love black thongs
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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