sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He kissed a someone with a penis
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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