you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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