I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
