Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize