That's when you crack a 10am beer
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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