ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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