We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
