I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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