R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
