Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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