A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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