Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Its about making memories worth repressing
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
