Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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