I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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