This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
