is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
