I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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