i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
