Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
