I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
