Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
