You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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