I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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