Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
