I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
