Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
