I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
