Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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