So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
