In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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