So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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