i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
