You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
God, I missed his penis.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
