i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
