you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
