The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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