I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
